Week 1: know your values
- When you can identify your values, you have the clarity to recognize and act from your highest values, your unique way of being in the world.
- When you know your values, you have criteria for evaluating major and minor life decisions. The more deeply you know your values, the easier it is to negotiate external changes.
- Values help you hold a steady course, even when circumstances are moving you in unwanted or unintended directions.
- When you know your values, when you can state them and live by them, your life has the integrity and steadfastness that are at the heart of yoga. Your relationship may dissolve, your job description change, your path morph beyond recognition. But the depth that commitment brings is never lost.
- Take the time to do some honest self-inquiry. Do you hold onto values that are driven by the values of your culture, or by those unexamined beliefs about how you are supposed to live?
To determine my real values, I am to ask myself the following questions:
1. What do I tend to be doing at the times when I feel happiest?
Spending time with friends and family, eating delicious food, cooking (when I have time to slow down and enjoy it). Receiving recognition for a great idea or a job well done. Laying in bed in the morning, knowing I don't have to get up yet! Using my understanding of space and function to solve design challenges (that moment when it finally 'clicks'). 2. Which of my gifts mean the most to me? Which feels most like "me"?
Helping other people, and making them feel special or understood.
I am generous, caring, and empathetic. I put others before myself, but still try to maintain balance, and keep time for me. I live in the moment, and completely devote myself to things I feel passionate about. I am spontaneous, and able to adapt to changing circumstances, and I find a silver lining in every situation.
4. What do others love about me?
This is a tough one! I'd like to think that others find me a good listener. I would hope that people feel they can count on me, and that they think I'm a warm and loving person. I know people think I'm competent and organized (which I am, for the most part). I'd like to think that others love the same things about me that I love about myself!
5. What am I good at?
I am good at listening, and giving an honest, objective opinion when asked (or just giving hugs when an opinion is unnecessary/unwanted). I am good at solving problems, organizing, and scheduling. I am great at taking one thing at a time, and giving it all of my attention.
6. What really matters to me, enough that I am willing to sacrifice for it?
Balance. I will sacrifice for almost anything if I feel it is worthwhile (friends, family, work, etc) but I feel it is very important to maintain balance. Too much sacrifice is just as bad as not enough. You can't take care of someone else unless you take care of yourself, and I try to remember that. I am willing to sacrifice sacrificing, even if it means others might think I'm selfish sometimes, in order to be able to keep on giving.... if that makes sense?
7. Finally, What threads of values can I see running through my life? How have they served me? How have they changed over time?
I think that this balance between giving and taking has been a common thread in my life. At some times I have been entirely selfish, pushing myself away from anything that threatens to make me give up my autonomy, or my time and energy. At some times I have been entirely "selfless" (as in, "without self"), allowing the emotions, fears, thoughts, opinions, and energy of others dictate my entire being. I don't think this is the same as giving, or being generous. I don't know if you can be truly generous without understanding what it is that you have to give... allowing yourself to dissolve into the needs of others is not helping anyone in the long run. I hope that now, I am able to differentiate between these two ways of being, and can start to find the happy place between the two extremes, where I can hold enough of myself intact to stand in a place of strength, and truly be there for other people, and myself!
Given all this, what are 3 values that I can identify right now, that I can rely on regardless of where I am or who I am with? Which of these is likely to deepen my relationship to life?
1. Balance - in all things
2. Generosity - being strong, resilient, and balanced enough to give - whether it is energetically, physically, or emotionally - without any expectation of reward or recognition (that's the hard part for me)
3. Competence - tackling each "task" to the absolute best of my ability in any given situation, just because it's the right thing to do, again, with no expectation of recognition (I'm a praise junky).
So, there's week 1... planning to think on this for the week, and see where I end up!
6. What really matters to me, enough that I am willing to sacrifice for it?
Balance. I will sacrifice for almost anything if I feel it is worthwhile (friends, family, work, etc) but I feel it is very important to maintain balance. Too much sacrifice is just as bad as not enough. You can't take care of someone else unless you take care of yourself, and I try to remember that. I am willing to sacrifice sacrificing, even if it means others might think I'm selfish sometimes, in order to be able to keep on giving.... if that makes sense?
7. Finally, What threads of values can I see running through my life? How have they served me? How have they changed over time?
I think that this balance between giving and taking has been a common thread in my life. At some times I have been entirely selfish, pushing myself away from anything that threatens to make me give up my autonomy, or my time and energy. At some times I have been entirely "selfless" (as in, "without self"), allowing the emotions, fears, thoughts, opinions, and energy of others dictate my entire being. I don't think this is the same as giving, or being generous. I don't know if you can be truly generous without understanding what it is that you have to give... allowing yourself to dissolve into the needs of others is not helping anyone in the long run. I hope that now, I am able to differentiate between these two ways of being, and can start to find the happy place between the two extremes, where I can hold enough of myself intact to stand in a place of strength, and truly be there for other people, and myself!
Given all this, what are 3 values that I can identify right now, that I can rely on regardless of where I am or who I am with? Which of these is likely to deepen my relationship to life?
1. Balance - in all things
2. Generosity - being strong, resilient, and balanced enough to give - whether it is energetically, physically, or emotionally - without any expectation of reward or recognition (that's the hard part for me)
3. Competence - tackling each "task" to the absolute best of my ability in any given situation, just because it's the right thing to do, again, with no expectation of recognition (I'm a praise junky).
So, there's week 1... planning to think on this for the week, and see where I end up!
I think what you love about yourself is the very reason you'll be an incredible mother and will be able to handle the reality of motherhood better than you think... :)
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