Not going to lie, I skipped one day last week, so I'll have to make it up by adding an extra class to my rotation one evening soon. I'll probably build my own extra-long Yin:Yang by doing Hatha first, and following it up with Yin. That would be heavenly I think... Flow then Yin would be even better, but not sure if that possibility exists in the schedule anywhere - will have to do some digging.
So, I pondered my values some more this week, both on and off my mat, and I think I'm pretty happy with the answers I gave in my last post. Even after only 6 days of regular practice I am feeling stronger, both physically and mentally.
I took a ride on a bit of an emotional roller coaster last week. Carry on to read a little more about it!
Little angel baby Anaya has been struggling, and was diagnosed last week with aspiration pneumonia, which is very stressful for everyone who loves her. It is highly likely that pneumonia is the thing that is going to take her when her time comes, so even just the word... pneumonia... triggers fear in all of our hearts. I have a good feeling - or more accurately, the lack of a bad feeling - about her though... I don't think she's done yet... as of yesterday, it looks like the antibiotics and loving energy have done their work, and she's on the mend.
(little cart on its tracks goes down, then starts to climb back up again)
I spent some more time with Kate and Eleanor at BC Children's, and got to meet Kris, Kate's husband. They are working so hard as a family to be positive and hold their little world together when it threatens to rip apart at the seams, and I have nothing but love and respect for them for how they're handling the impossible and ever-changing situation!! They are at an entirely different stage in their process than Camara and Anaya are, and it is difficult for me to watch Kate struggle during this phase where she feels so lost and alone... I'm trying to show her that there are so many great people out here rooting for them, and that it is OK to reach out. I hope (think?) I've been able to bring her some feeling of that. It's the least I can do!
(up and down on a daily basis)
My great aunt passed away on Saturday. I have mixed feelings about this. It was long-expected, and a blessing in many ways. As well, we haven't had much to do with her in many years (she lived in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan). That said, she was a big part of my childhood. We spent many summers in her little house with the astro-turfed front steps, salt & pepper shaker collection in the sunroom, fresh peas in the garden, and eggo waffles in the freezer. I still remember the sound of her voice singing me to sleep with church songs (Angels Watching Over Me), and the smell of her Noxema (what was with old ladies and Noxema??). That house has been long gone for years, but for some reason hearing of her death brought it all rushing back to me. I grieve a little for the aunt that loved me SO FIERCELY (she was a lover, that one, in a way you can't fully appreciate until you're a little older)... and probably also for that time in my life.
(big, stomach-flipping, loop-de-loop - the kind that comes out of nowhere when you're busy recovering from the last dip)
Through all of that, I was sticking to my goal of getting to yoga every day, and I think (KNOW) that it kept me grounded, and left me feeling really strong and balanced at the end of the ride. Taking the time to reconnect to myself and the earth, and feeling the energy of combined purpose in the classroom, really gives me a lift that I have never found from any other activity. On Sunday, I "really didn't feel like" going, but I stopped, looked inward, and realized that what I "really didn't feel like" doing was acknowledging my frustration and anger. And anyone who has had a half-decent yoga teacher knows that frustration and anger are the first sign that you're doing something right. They are your brain fighting against a revelation that it doesn't feel ready for. They are a reaction to the opening of things in your body and mind that are resistant to change. That are afraid of what will happen. That are screaming to be released. So I took that anger and frustration, and I went to a class that would make me sweat, and I came out of there feeling empowered... no, not just empowered, POWERFUL... and somehow also satisfied, and at peace with myself and the world. I came home, and I slumped on the couch, and I said to Husband... "I love yoga", and then I fell asleep.
(that little coaster cart uses the momentum from that last big loop to propel it up a big slope, threatening to launch it into the air, and finally bringing it gently to rest at the platform)
So anyway.... that was my week 1... and, after a 2 hour marathon phone call with my parents, and a blog post to dump it all out, I'm ready for another ride!!
(take one breath here, set your intention, which is coincidentally the goal for week 2, and then away we go again)
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