Motherhood.... can I do it??

I am terrified about having a baby.

Husband and I have been talking a lot about it lately.  We were always planning not to wait after getting married (which happened in September), and so it is looking like this year we will start the gears in motion to prepare to be parents.  As one obstacle after another is removed, and as one deadline after another passes, I am getting more and more frightened of this next move...

It may be that I'm being too hard on myself, and that this is what every woman feels when preparing for this step.  I know that I want children, but it never occurred to me to think about why... or even more importantly, how...

1) I just don't know if my temperament is right for motherhood, and I don't want to mess up my child(ren) because I couldn't handle it!  Husband is going to be an amazing dad (A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.), but I feel like I'm going to let him down as a mom.  I know that once my kid(s) are older, and they have words to tell me what they're thinking and feeling, I will love it... I think I will be a great mom to older children... I think I will be great at homework, and baseball games, and christmas mornings...... but I just can't imagine having the life of a creature as tiny and helpless as an infant in my forgetful/disorganized/often even lazy/anxious/incompetent hands.

2) We don't live near our families (biological or otherwise).  Well, we're geographically near, but we are 3 1/2 hours of travelling - including a rather expensive ferry trip - away.  There will be no calling grandma for help or relief.  There will be no "Can I just drop him off for an hour while I go shopping?"  This will be tough.  I know our (very wonderful, but very childless) friends are ready and willing to "help", but I wonder if they know what that means, or if they can/will really step up when the chips are down.  Will you come do my laundry and dishes when I just can't deal?  Will you do it without me needing to ask??

3) I think babies can sense my fear, because they are definitely not into me!   I have had toddlers literally shrink away from me in terror and/or disgust... and these are not strangers' kids.  They call me "Auntie" until I'm actually there, and then they run away crying.  Do I smell??

4) I am needy.  Neediness and mothers are a hideous combination.  I will definitely give this kid issues.

So, there it is.  Other moms have weighed in, and the general consensus is that I'm overreacting, and I should just do it and I will see how amazing it is..... but it doesn't make me feel any less terrified.  Do others feel this way and just don't want to tell me about it?  Is this part of that "iron curtain of motherhood" conspiracy that I am suspicious is true?  The conspiracy that protects the continuation of the human race by making sure moms never ever tell anyone about the horrors of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood in general?  Are you all really trying to tell me that my "hormones" will take over and everything will be fine??

I call bullshit.

But... I can't have baseball games and christmas mornings without the first bit... so... here goes!!